Category: Tell Me Everything You Don’t Remember

How many Koreans does it take to investigate a wound?

Pedagogies of Woundedness by James Kyung-Jin Lee

James Kyung-Jin Lee has a book called Pedagogies of Woundedness: Illness, Memoir, and the Ends of the Model Minority. Published in January 2022 by Temple University Press, Lee examines the question, “What happens when illness betrays Asian American fantasies of indefinite progress?” discussing the model minority myth and its erasure as reflected in “illness memoirs.” Which, as he points out, is a relatively new category within Asian American literature. Pedagogies of Woundedness is an academic narrative and one that highlights a new perspective on how Asian American illness memoirs have come to join the larger genre of Asian American literature. Why didn’t they exist previously? And what does it mean when “the model minority” shows its vulnerability?

Lee establishes the model minority myth early on, opening on Julie Yip-Williams’ 2019 memoir, The Unwinding of the Miracle, involving her terminal cancer diagnosis. “All this seems so incredible and new,” he says, “as if Asian Americans have started dying only recently, in large part because they’ve long been expected to be harbingers of nothing less than the good American life, showing the rest of the United States how it ought to be done” (p. 4). On the same day in 2019, too, Graywolf published Esmé Weijun Wang’s The Collected Schizophrenias. Of this fact, Lee states, “It was as if, in an instant, scales fell from the eyes of U.S. publishers and readers alike: if as a collective, Americans demanded of their Asian American colleagues lives of exceptional mobility and affirmation of the U.S. cultural project, then perhaps…Asian America could also provide a pedagogy to optimize this narrative…Asian Americans can you teach us how to die well?”

LOL.

In his survey of Asian American illness memoirs, Lee writes, “In 2017, Christine Hyung-Oak Lee published her memoir Tell Me Everything You Don’t Remember: The Stroke That Changed My Life with Ecco, the first time in U.S. history that a major trade press published a work of nonfiction by an Asian American whose narrative was primarily occupied by illness” (p. 96).

When my 2014 BuzzFeed essay about my stroke went viral, I was barely cognizant that Asian Americans hadn’t yet pierced the American psyche with regard to illness and to Lee’s point, fallibility. I had simply written about something that happened to me and my path navigating a damaged brain. I was stunned by its reception. Editors wanted to publish such a narrative; my schedule was filled with editor and agent calls for three straight weeks. It was assumed that America was ready, based on the data; I don’t think any of us had at the top of our minds that Asian American illness memoirs were not yet a Thing. I engaged my dream agent (and made some agent and editor friends along the way), and ended up with a book deal. I temporarily ditched my novel-in-progress and wrote a memoir called Tell Me Everything You Don’t Remember based on the essay. I wrote furiously for a year.

Dear Reader: at a point in writing my memoir, I wondered whether to even center my Asian American identity in the narrative. Yes. This was a conscious decision I had to make. My editors thankfully tacitly understood who I was and how I was raised and my cultural context were key components to how I experienced brain damage. Sadly, I felt like I was taking a risk by doing this so explicitly; even though I had no idea I was the first, the only illness memoirs of which I was aware were written by white writers who didn’t have to make explicit their cultural context. Sadly, I was indeed taking a risk.

Yes, in the book reviews, there were folks who asked why I included my Asian American upbringing at all within my illness memoir.

My memoir was published in February 2017, in the wake of Trump’s inauguration, and I blamed many publishing headwinds on that guy (I still do). But there was, I now realize, another headwind: being the first. This was the beginning of a new neighborhood. And there were not yet any neighbors.

Speaking of neighbors: there can be a partnership between scholars and creative writers, one that writers often ignore. Scholarly writing is where I learn most about my own work and the ways in which readers interpret the messages I have sent, whether unconsciously or consciously. And to learn whether my writing has broken new ground as the scholar themself forges new territory.

Some of my most satisfying writing was in the academic term papers I wrote during my MFA–I still have fond memories of writing my term paper on golem imagery in Frankenstein and Great Expectations (Estella is a golem!). Literary writers who attended higher education institutions have if they’ve taken any non-STEM courses at all, likely produced academic writing. And literary writers who attended secondary education institutions most likely wrote academic essays. In this way, many of us have dipped our toes in scholarly work. And it is where, at least in my case, my writing began.

In an undergrad Asian American Studies class, my professor (who is part of the Asian American literary canon and who I won’t name because I am about to criticize him) said, “You should write it. Don’t be a scholar and just study it.” He made clear his opinion that creative writing was superior to scholarship. At the time, what he said was inspiring–I mean, I was nineteen years old and supposed to be premed and didn’t want to go to med school and my secret dream was to become an author, so please give me a break. But I didn’t realize it was at the sacrifice of scholarship. And that this kind of hierarchical perspective isn’t healthy whatsoever, because a literary writer needs readers. And the most thoughtful readers are often scholars.

I’ve never said no to a teacher who teaches my book in class and invites me as a guest speaker. In fact, one of my very favorite things to do as a writer is to zoom into a class. It is an honor to meet students whose academic insights into my writing often surpass those of book reviewers, especially those who question why I bring up being Asian American at all in a…(wait for it) memoir. I’m delighted when I read blog posts by students, those in Professor Lee’s classes included, who’ve read my book. It is good medicine, especially when I need correction or when in the long slog of writing my next book I question whether or not I should continue to write at all.

Scholars are our good neighbors for myriad reasons. And James Kyung-Jin Lee’s Pedagogies of Woundedness is an excellent partner to the burgeoning field of Asian American illness memoirs. May it be an influence as well.

Lifehacks on giving birth to a book


Book publication is like giving birth.

Thus, I provide two lists, with advice and lifehacks for each.

When you give birth to a baby:

  • 6 weeks before giving birth, start the perineal massages. It is not sexy. But it is helpful.
  • Take all the hospital supplies home with you–the squeeze bottle, the cloth underpants, the pads, the chux, everything. You may need all of it. You may only need some. You won’t have time to get more. Take them all home.
  • Amazon.com and Diapers.com are your friends.
  • Get a flat waterproof crib sheet. That’s not for the baby just yet. Put that under you while you sleep for the lochea (there will be lochea).
  • Get a headlamp for nighttime diaper changes.
  • Coconut oil is your nipples’ friend. I tasted lanolin, and it was so gross I couldn’t fathom giving it to my baby–so I slathered coconut oil instead. I still have that jar.
  • Dermaplast spray if you gave birth vaginally. ‘Nuff said.
  • Tucks pads.
  • That first bowel movement after giving birth? It’s epic. Hold on to the walls. You will be okay.

When you give birth to a book…

  • Enjoy the book cover reveal. Enjoy the galleys. It’s all a thrill!
  • Don’t ask anyone to help with publicity if you haven’t sent them a copy of an ARC. Send out a lot of ARCs, if you can.
  • Be ready to set aside time to write articles and such to help with book publicity.
  • There will be haters. Don’t let them get you down.
  • Be prepared to email blurbers yourself. Email them. They may not be able to say yes. Shake that off, and keep emailing.
  • Thank your blurbers. Send a card. A tiny gift. They read your damn book and then said something nice about it.
  • Goodreads.com is not your friend. DO NOT RESPOND to Goodreads.com reviews. In sum, do NOT respond to ANY bad reviews of any kind, be it Goodreads or the Nytimes.
  • If you have a book launch party (and you should), bring a guest book so people can sign and leave you notes. You’ll find you have very little time to have meaningful chats with each person. (This advice was gifted to me by another friend).
  • Make a list of your allies–litmags and organizations and people who have genuinely supported you throughout the years. Never forget them.
  • Keep friends who aren’t writers close to you. Maintain the part of your life that has nothing to do with writing.
  • Have a friend you can vent to about bad reviews or the process of book publication. Someone who won’t be jealous, preferably someone who’s been through it before.
  • Keep a running list of press, so that you can update your website later.
  • If you will be doing radio interviews, practice speaking without saying “um, uh, like,” and other things that buy you time. It’s better to pause a second or two then say “uhhh.” I did this by recording myself speak and counting the times I said “like.” (the Southern California girl in me flows strong).
  • Now’s also the time to strengthen yourself as a book reader. Mark your manuscript and reading copy up–put notes down indicating where you want to increase volume, slow, speed up, or pause.
  • Prep a few lines of greetings for when you sign books. So you don’t go blank.
  • Thank your publicist (if you have one). They work hard for you and your book.
  • Self care, self care, self care. If you have the resources, plan a getaway for after book launch and publicity duties end. Do what you can to make sure you nurture yourself.

Tote Bags

I found a stash of tote bags for TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU DON’T REMEMBER. I thought I’d given all of them away by now!

What to do, what to do?
GIVE. THEM. AWAY!!!!

So.

  1. Tweet or Facebook or instagram or email me a picture of yourself with your copy of TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU DON’T REMEMBER, You can tag me (@xtinehlee on twitter and @xtinehlee1 on instagram)
  2. Then email me your mailing address to: xtinehlee AT gmail DOT com (so that I can get the tote bag to you).
  3. The first 30 people to do the above will receive a free tote bag.*

Thank you for reading. I’m blown away by your response, and love hearing from readers. And the best thing about all this are all the new connections in my life**–so I’m looking forward to building more.

*I haven’t counted, but I’m pretty sure I have more than 30 bags, so I may be able to go over this number.
**Also, I love seeing pictures of readers + TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU DON’T REMEMBER out in the world. 😉

(how to buy) Personalized/Signed Copies of TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU DON’T REMEMBER

I’ve been getting a number of requests for signed and/or personalized, signed copies of TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU DON’T REMEMBER. I’m not going on book tour, but WANT to fulfill your wishes (without having to live at UPS or FedEx or the US Postal Service office).

So–here’s the deal: DIESEL, A Bookstore in Oakland will send out signed copies to you, when you purchase from their site. This is the direct link to Tell Me Everything You Don’t Remember on their website.

In the “notes” section of your order as you check out, PLEASE INDICATE TO WHOM YOU WOULD LIKE THE BOOK SIGNED (otherwise you’ll get a generic signature-only copy), and they will work with me to make that happen and ship it out to you!

Hopefully, this makes it easier for you and for me, and everyone is happy, and a local bookstore wins! They’re the only place from which you can buy a signed copy.

Guys, Scott Simon of NPR Interviewed Me

I had the privilege of being interviewed by Scott Simon at NPR Headquarters in D.C. last week. Scott Simon was an incredibly handsome and poised gentleman. NPR Headquarters was amazing–there is a huge news board in the lobby and a newsroom in the building’s atrium and so many wonderful recording rooms. Also, it felt like one of the safest places in America, at least psychically speaking. So I felt comfortable and welcome and ready to share my stroke recovery experience, living with a 15 minute short term memory, and the writing of Tell Me Everything You Don’t Remember

My interview aired on NPR’s Weekend Edition Saturday this past weekend. You can listen to it here. Also, there is a written transcription of some of the interview.

Mailing List

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I am starting a mailing list in anticipation of the release of my memoir TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU DON’T REMEMBER (and of course, after that–my novel, THE GOLEM OF SEOUL).

I welcome you to sign up for monthly-ish updates from me.

The updates will have some personal content as it pertains to writing. I’ll also be sharing my writing process, my publishing experience, favorites, travel, etc. A little like this blog, but also different.

And hopefully more exclusive–for instance, when my book trailer is released, my mailing list readers will be the first to see it!

Additionally, I plan on holding giveaways to members of the mailing list–for example, signed books…and possibly tote bags or other schwag I might dream up.

Please sign up below. And thank you for becoming a part of my inner circle of readers.

Subscribe to my mailing list

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The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

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(A picture of me in 2013)

In 2013, I lost everything I’d built my life upon. My marriage. My previous identity. Money. I was heartbroken and dealing with postpartum depression. I was struggling with motherhood, and the challenges of this new life.

But unbeknownst to me at the time, I found my identity and strength and friends and love and I began a relationship with my newborn daughter. Everything was gone but I had the opportunity to replenish my life with things and people most important to me as a newly untethered individual.

I remember telling O that I had one year to really make a change. That for a year I would be at home as a new mother and I would have no money and that that would be the year I would double down on dreams. Everything’s gone to shit, I told him. I have nothing else left to lose. I have to do only the things I love to do and see where they lead me.

I felt helpless and so I did the one thing that did not make me feel helpless. I doubled down on writing.

In 2013, I wrote the essay that was a turning point in my career, MINT and it was published in The Rumpus by Roxane Gay. It was not as widely read as some of my future work, but this was the publication that changed my life.

That essay led to an opportunity to write something for BuzzFeed in 2014. I wrote an essay about my stroke and recovery. The essay went viral and led to a 2-book deal with Ecco.

All I did in 2015 was write my memoir. I wrote and wrote and wrote.

Two months ago, I turned in my memoir manuscript. Yesterday, I finished copy edits.

In 2017, on February 14, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU DON’T REMEMBER will be published and out in the world.

I did not do this alone.

Thank you.

2013 was an enormous fall. Here is a picture of me in 2013, sliding down the Codornices park concrete slide. On that day, I decided that as miserable as I felt, I would seek a minute of pure joy, somehow. My thinking was that I could hold on to those few seconds and say, “Today I felt good, even if for ten seconds.”

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(Also, falling can feel good–as evidenced by the slide).

That is how I clawed my way back. I would hold on to the small parts of good. Even if the good was just one percent of my day. I would make that one percent, larger, somehow. I would hold on to any part of happiness, even if fleeting.

I would focus on happiness. I would be aware of misery and I would try to deal with the bills and legal paperwork one by one. My worries were many–at one point I wondered how it was that I would pay for diapers. I would not ignore these concerns. But I would look at a sliver of happiness while dealing with the unpleasant.

And eventually, the happiness would dominate.

And yes, it has.

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